Monday, November 26, 2007

Piece Of Shit Car

Dear God,

Why the fuck did you allow me to find a fairly nice car only to violently rape it and my wallet at the same time. ZAs of this point I have put almost double what I paid for the vehicle in the first place into car repairs. I hate you.

Vo.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Monday, November 19, 2007

And The Dead Shall Inherit The Earth

Mainly because those fuckers are going to turn into brain eating zombies and kill us all. MMMMM....brains.

Also:



Werewolves give people Parkinson's Disease.

Monday, September 24, 2007

My 1st Song

Today is my birthday. Happy birthday to me.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Vampires Will Never Hurt You

It's the damn rabbits you have to watch out for.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

What More Can I Say?

Last night, I was out with my daughter and my niece driving to the store, when I actually tuned in to the conversation they were having. Completely missing my daughter's portion, I heard my niece, who is 4, say, "AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm a big scary freaky monster from outer space? What kind of monster am I? I might be a monster....or an alien.......or a treehugger....." Needless to say, I laughed at this until my balls hurt. And then I laughed more. Gotta love the shit that comes out of kid's mouths.


Tony Romo was the highest scoring player last week? WTF?


Since my most recent consoles have died, I have resorted all the way back to my NES. In case you were wondering, Captain Grid-Iron is quite possibly the best character in GI Joe, but Snake-Eyes uses magic, not bullets.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Interlude

Fairly certain this is the worst thing I've ever heard:

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Welcome to The Black Parade

I came home a few days ago to find a copy of My Chemical Romance's "The Black Parade" in my mailbox. Not expecting this wonderful occurrence, I had an immediate "Happy-On" and proceeded to dance in my driveway like a retarded epileptic on meth for about three minutes. After I calmed down, I realized I had better get the hell out of there, in case the neighbors called the police to report a crime against humanity. Entering the disc into my vehicle's CD slot, I proceeded to consume the delicious audio banquet provided for me. Approximately, ten minutes into the listening, I have a joygasm from the truly fantastic and varied melodies and harmonies. If it were possible for me to make love to a CD, I would definitely bang this disc a few times. If you get a chance, look past the eyeliner and listen to this disc. Well worth the time.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I Believe I Can Fly





And this is why I want to be a Fucking Flight Attendant.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

No Remorse(I Want To Die)

I hate 99% of everything on the planet. I might have to BRB existence because, quite frankly, it really isn't worth it, and it's going to happen eventually anyway. As much as I hate Emo, this song is really about it for me.


Friday, August 10, 2007

Nigga Stole My Bike




Don't ask where I find these videos. I have no idea. I think they seek me out. For some reason, this video, while attempting to be art house trippy, just kinda creeped me the fuck out. No clue why. Might be the bicycle gang of mascots.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Ding Ding Dong Song Vs. Satisfaction





I am now officially less intelligent for having watched this all the way through. I didn't think a song about a guy out for a piece of ass, surrounded by 3 chicks with huge mammaries, could be gay, but this just shows me how incredibly wrong I was. I may have to gouge out my own eyes with a tennis ball. Instead, I will just put an example of how a video like this should have gone.






Hot ass bitches with power tools. QE-Fucking-D. (Yes, I'm aware that QED doesn't really work here. Fuck you.)

Friday, July 27, 2007

99 Problems

I may have to brb my blog. I have run out of things to say and I think only 4 people read it. Including me.

Monday, July 23, 2007

BEER!

I had a very joyous day already today. After only 3 hours of sleep, I dragged my ass out of bed and went to pick up urchin #3 so her mother could go to work. I got there, and was told, "Oh, I'm calling in today, but I couldn't wake up long enough to call and tell you." Grrr. Visualizing curb stomp. Anyway, after that I went to BestBuy and purchased a new CD. Here is a video for a song off the disc:







Well, that was fun. Afterwards, I stopped by SeLe for happy fun Squishee time and found this:





Amazing. Now, if only they had Duff.........

Sunday, July 22, 2007

ABCDEath

Yes, I fucking read HP7. And what do I have to say about it? Fuck JK Rowling. Fuck her right in her scrawny, white asshole with a spiked bat the size of Cuba. Do you know how much of a pussy path she took in this book? The biggest fucking cop out she fucking could. Oooo, who will live, who will die? If you're gonna have that as one of your fucking grabs, then YOU NEED A FUCKING HUGE BODY COUNT, you sodding bint. Kill people! Lots of them! I've seen gay porn with a lees contrived plot than this. And after buying and reading this book, I feel like I've been forced into the aforementioned film. You raped my soul, bitch. You seriously raped my soul and left it bleeding like a transvestite Asian hooker with syphilis on heroin in a Motel 6. When you die, hell will be too good for you. Fuck.

Book count: 22


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Kill

Yay! More book review. So freaking glad pulp is making a comeback.



Book the fifteenth - The Colorado Kid

Despite being a well written, higly acclaimed book that has single-handedly brought attention back to books of the 30's and 40's pulp style, I think this was the weakest of the 5 in this set of books I've read. Having said that, this is still one of the best books I have ever read in my life. I'm not normally a fan of Stephen King. I read "The Stand" when I was in high school. I've also enjoyed "Needful Things" and "The Dark Half." But I can't really seem to get into his books. This one was not a problem for me however. The pacing and plot were well done, characters were fully developed and there was just enough suspense to keep me on the edge of my seat without making it feel forced. My only real complaint is that I have no idea what happened. But that's not important. Great book. Great read. Low price.


Book the sixteenth - The Guns of Heaven

Truly a masterpiece. Set in present times and dealing with the IRA and how it affects one man's life, this book is full of complex plots and gritty realism. I don't want to say too much about this for fear of giving something away, but you'll never look at the Irish the same after this. Well worth the read.


Book the seventeenth - Grave Descend

Very clever and well written tale concerning a sunken boat and it's recovery. Some of the characters feel a little forced into the picture, but work well within the whole of the cast. Altogether, a solid red with an interesting hook.


Book the eighteenth - Lucky at Cards

May I just say that Lawrence Block is the fucking man? An amazing and riveting tale of a man who has hit rock bottom, falling into the best stroke of luck he could hit and where it takes him. A story of lust, betrayal, deceit, revenge and redemption. Well woven.


Book the nineteenth - Bust

Again, well written. Full of twists. Amazing plot with a healthy cast of characters. The crosses and double crosses make for an engrosssing tale. A little slow to start, but picks up nice and quick. By the end of the book, it's a blitzkreig of true noir style. Best of the bunch.


Book count: 19

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Ticket to Ride

So, after my last post, I decided to head out and get something to eat and visit the local neighborhood comic shop. However, after obtaining sustenance, it was brought to my attention that one of my tires was severely low. After inspecting the offending tire, I found a bolt in it. Yay! As no one else was open, I had to take it to WalMart. Ugh. I arrived at 3:00 pm and was told that it would take about 2 hours to get an oil change and have my tires repaired. I killed some time at Best Buy, and then had a delicious steak at Applebee's. When I returned at 5:00 pm, my vehicle was not finished with it's oil change and the tire had not been looked at yet. Then, around 5:30 pm, the found out that the lugnuts were on too tight for them to remove. So I had to purchase my own patch kit. I hate WalMart.

The Nigger is Restless.

I'm fucking bored. And when I'm bored, nothing seems like fun. There are days when I wish I was still in Lansing if for no other reason than MSU is close by and there is always something to do near MSU. There's not even a decent arcade over here. And don't give me that Craig's Cruisers shit either. Fuck Craig's Cruisers and their shitty ass kiddy games. The west side of the state sucks. Just fucking bored.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Read A Book

Now, normally I try not to post more than once in a day, because let's face it, I'm not that interesting. However, with that said, I feel compelled to share this critically important, vitally essential message in video format:





If everyone saw this video, then I think the world might start to be a better place. Librarians should use this video to entice the masses into libraries. That means you, Geodge. I just cannot begin to express how amazing this video is. I'm going to watch it again.

Shock the Monkey

I think that Cinnamon Toast Crunch may quite possibly be the most addictive food I have ever eaten. No matter what I've already eaten or how full I think I am, there is always room for one more bowl. Something about the sugary sweetness and the crunch. However, I can't help but notice the downsizing of the baker's positions. I distinctly remember there being three bakers for the cereal when I was a child. What happened to them? Did Wendall eat them? Was there a gang war between them and the Rice Krispies elves? Bears? Inquiring minds want to know.

Monday, July 09, 2007

I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night.(NSFW)

Once again, I'm up all night with nothing fun to do. I've already read half a book, done my work reports, finished a movie I started earlier today, cooked and ate a piece of chicken, had three cookies, watched porn, taken an ice cold shower(not related to the porn), eaten a bowl of cereal, lamented my lack of PS2 and Xbox, watched an anime, applied for a job, and viewed everyone else's pages. It's now 5:00am EST and I'm bored. I would go to bed, except I have to be somewhere at 6:30am EST, and then court at 8:30am EST. Following that will prolly be plasma donation and then sleep. Glorious sleep. Fuck.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts

I have had a domicile for around a month now, and furniture for about 2 weeks. Needless to say, my lazy ass has not done much to continue the "Make Your Hellhole A Home" effort beyond unpacking enough dishes to feed myself. That said, earlier today I took the time to unpack about a box and a half's worth of stuff. I say box and a half's worth because it came out of 4 different boxes, none of which are actually finished. But I now have unpacked all my video games, most of my VHS, a handful of DVD's, and 3.1 channels of my surround sound. All things considered, that's fairly ambitious for me.

PS. I'm sure all 4 people who read this know already, but I almost got arrested yesterday. Only by the quick reactions of my dad and grandfather was I able to throw bond together. But I'm curious, does it make sense to arrest someone, potentially causing them to lose their job and only means of support because they can't pay the money they owe?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Back to Black

I have officially found my new favorite webpage. The Assimilated Negro. I have not found a more humorous and insightful nigger since Nick Adams. This is my new bible. Laugh with me people.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The Star Spangled Banner

Apparently, I am now working on the 4th. Now, I understand that lots of fucking morons are going to get shitfaced and act like retards on crack in Cancun for spring break. But why can't I be one of them? Why the fuck do I have to work? And most importantly, why the fuck couldn't they have let me know more than 36 hours in advance. I have a fucking life and I had fucking plans, you douchebag sons of bitches. Now, my plans have been cancelled, and I'm fucking pissed off to no end because I can't make replacement plans for another two weeks. Plus, now I don't get to watch fireworks. I love fireworks and I have to miss them. I wouldn't even be this pissed off about it, if it wasn't for the fact that Wednesday is one of my regular nights off. Fuck this bullshit. I need a new job.


***Update***

Please disregard the previous anger. I'm not working now.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

A Pirate's Life For Me.

Yesterday I went movie chaining. Which is my way of saying I paid for a ticket for one movie and then theater hopped to see more. This is my report.

The movie I actually paid for was "Pirates of the Carribean 3: At World's End." Also known as "Let's beat this idea to death." It was a good movie, but given what the first movie was, and even some of the second movie, the plot seemed stilted and the acting was less than convincing. Johnny Depp once again gives a masterful performance, and Geoffrey Rush truly shines. That's pretty much where the good acting stops. And sadly enough, there were so many "plot twists," that my initial assessment of what was going to happen, happened. I felt like, "What was the point of that? Nothing changed! Fucking crap ass Screenwriters."

Being less than impressed by the first offering, I felt entitled to make it up to myself by viewing another movie at no cost to myself. So I looted, pillaged, plundered and pirated(read: walked) to 1408. One phrase to describe this movie? Best mindfuck ever. This movie actually made me jump several times. And Sammy L, while not having the largest part, holds it down. The interaction between him and Mr. Cusack is amazing, on par with McClain and Zeus or Jules and Vincent. The story was engaging and, while unfolded at a slightly slower pace than I enjoy, made for a powerfully intriguing plot point. Well worth the $5.75 I paid for the other movie.

Finally came Fantastic Four: The Rise of The Silver Surfer. Pure popcorn fest. But decent in it's way. Nothing less than what I expected, but nothing more either. Very grateful that Galactus wasn't a purple giant with that awful headdress. Bonus points for naked flaming Jessica Alba. My only real issue with the movie is Mr. Fantastic should never dance. Ever.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Get Free

Last night, I went to the pub with the intention of seeing some friends and playing some pool. Now, ordinarily I do not drink because I am freaking huge and it takes a lot of adult beverage to make me tipsy(or not so much, but very quickly). But last night, I was feeling kinda frisky, so I decided, what the hell, I'll have a few beers. Four dollar mini-pitchers of Miller Lite. I only bought one. Then my friend Tom left after only drinking a quarter of his. Then Kevin poured me a glass out of his. So, within the first hour and a half, I had downed 2 mini-pitchers. I hadn't eaten since 10am. And I lit up a cig, which I'm finding I do a lot more when I'm drinking. Needless to say, I couldn't drop a ball to save my life. 4 smokes, and 4 more beers later, I actually started to sober up, and I couldn't fucking lose. I don't know how the fuck that happens, but it did. I won every game I played for close to an hour. Sometimes by quite a great amount. Then, after the bar closed, I went to Vito's and got 2 slices, ate, and then passed out somewhere around 3am. Wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to get up at fuckin 5:30 this morning. Lesson learned: Next time don't fucking go to sleep.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Hope you like your present.

I know what I'm getting everyone for christmas. If you dont want it, I'm sure you know someone who will.


Saturday, June 02, 2007

Urge to kill...rising!

In case you don't know, I fucked my knee up at my last job. I'm not going into specifics right now. Maybe later. But right now, my knee is swelling and it's extremely painful. I can barely walk on it and I think it my give on me at any minute. This seriously sucks. My knee brace isn't helping at all either.



Additionally, Never fuck with water buffalo. View attached video.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Musical Interlude

Ok, so I got a new CD yesterday. Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black" is an amazing and stunning effort for which I feel honored to be allowed to listen to. It is a smooth blending of a sultry, smoky voice layered over entrancing beats and rhythms that make you feel it in your soul. Go buy this disk if you like Digable Planet or Poe. Well worth it. Plus, it's only 7.99 at Best Buy right now.



Also:




Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Rock!

I thought I would add this.

http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=407

Fresh for '07.......SUCKAS!

Yes, I went into a Hot Topic and purchased a Boondocks Jacket. The Red One with Huey's Face on the back. Now, I love the boondocks and was disappointed as fuck that McGruder is no longer drawing the dailies to concentrate on the show. But what a show it is...


Remember. If a girl can run fast in heels, she's a Hoe.